Feeling envy.

Sometimes I really envy my friends. Specifically those who are born or the whole family is in KL / PJ and they are staying together.

Main reason is because, their life, seems like so systematic, consistent, full of joy and always happy. I try to be happy always but sometimes it's hard. I think main reason I will feel this way is because I lost both my parent at young age. Feels like there is no one else that I can depend on. 

Many people, when they have problem or when they wanna do something, they will decide on their own, but if problem arise from there, they still have their parent, they can seek for advise from them. They are like the last wall behind them. However, for my brothers and I, we have none of those. We basically swallow everything on our own. Whatever problem we faced, we need to handle it on our own. 

Life is getting harder and when we grow older, a single mistake in decision making, will cause a big problem. So usually we will try to play as safe as possible. I am not willing to take big risk, if I do, it will be a risk within safe boundary. I don't dare to quit my job, and go to travel for 2 months without any income. I also don't dare to go freelancing full time. These are all a risk for me. While I envy those who dare to be full time entrepreneur, starting their own business or company, be it selling clothes, opening a restaurant or IT solutions company and so on, I know there are risk to all of that too. That's why I don't dare to do that.

Man.... sometimes, I really miss my mom..... a lot. I don't even remember when is the last time the whole family sit down properly at a round table to eat together. That's why I envy my friends because, most of them, still have chance to spend time with their family.

So if you are reading my blog..... please.... please spend more time together with your family. You never know when it will be the last time you eat together with them.